Q Men Script Draft #2

Intro
As the following voice over reads, comic strip panels move past, illustrating the narrative.

NARRATOR

"The gay gene has been found. In an attempt to rid the world of this scourge, scientists found a way to virally mutate the gene, turning all pink bloods into true blue red blooded citizens. But a lab accident sent an unstable strain of the virus into the atmosphere gifting the queers with extraordinary powers, leading them to become the next stage in human evolution: superior-homo! War now rages between the two species, leaving our only hope for salvation to a small but well drilled group of mutants: The Q Men."

FADE IN

EXT APARTMENT BLOCK

A derelict and drab apartment building stretches into the sky surrounded by wild unkempt garden beds a completely broken down playground and basket ball court where both goal rings are in a state of disrepair.

INT APARTMENT

Inside one of the apartments. Every-bit as uninspiring as the exterior; water damage highlights every wall. The central heating unit looks like a relic from early last century and the thread bare carpets are probably only held together by thriving dust mite colonies.

HERMAPHRODITIE sits slouched on a couch that a hobo would be ashamed of, watching an old TV with a coat hanger for an antenna.

The door suddenly slams open with unnatural force and VELVET FIST, a 7' tall blue giant with flaming red hair walks in, her canary yellow 'baby doll' costume smeared with blood.

VELVET FIST

Oh I tell you, I am so sick of mortal henchmen...
The screen freezes framing Velvet Fist and immediately transforms into a comic strip panel with her name in the corner.

NARRATOR

Velvet Fist. Seven feet of royal blue power.
Superhuman strength and dress sense.
Smith and Western for long range combat, and 'cos
it looks SUPER hot.
The freeze frame cedes to the animation

VELVET FIST (cont)

...One punch and they explode like a water balloon.

HERMAPHRODITIE

They really should be more considerate in their final moments.
The screen again freezes to a comic panel, this time on Hermaphroditie.

NARRATOR
Hermaphroditie. A changling. Hermaphroditie
can take on the the appearance and
characteristics of any person or creature.
An intersex in the purest sense, Hermaphroditie
is neither male nor female, rendering pronouns obsolete.

The panel once again gives way to the animation

VELVET FIST

For someone who can become
anyone you certainly lack empathy of any kind.

HERMAPHRODITIE

So in that scenario of the henchmen water balloon
I'm supposed to empathise with the pin?

VELVET FIST

Oh please. You give more thought to how
many squares of toilet paper to use than killing henchmen.

HERMAPHRODITIE

Classy

VELVET FIST

You know what I mean. Blood is so hard to get out
of my costume, I only have two of these things to rotate.
Image is important you know, especially if we want to break
into the more prestigious teams.

HERMAPHRODITIE

Your obsession with appearance is a weakness.
Just as I have transcended gender,
I have transcended your archaic notions of clothing.

VELVET FIST

Transcended nothing. You just like walking around naked.

HERMAPHRODITIE

No nipple. No naked.

VELVET FIST (provocatively)

Although you certainly have managed to transcend vanity
HERMAPHRODITIE (trying to hide shock and hurt feelings)
Yes, well, it's another subjective, restrictive concept

VELVET FIST

I think it's noble, given your abilities, that you don't make yourself prettier...
or more handsome, whatever it is you do.

HERMAPHRODITIE

My self worth is not validated by someone deeming
my appearance as beautiful.

VELVET FIST

And good for you! So are we still going clubbing tonight?
HERMAPHRODITIE

Sure.

Velvet Fist exits the room

VELVET FIST (OS)

And will you be going as Brad or Angelina then?

HERMAPHRODITIE

I do that to maintain my secret identity!

VELVET FIST (OS)

Of course you do. I just have to chuck my archaic notions in the laundry.

END CREDITS